“I’ve been doing this a long time. I’ve tried everything,” you say about your marketing.

But have you? Really? Bet you haven’t tried these 10 amazing marketing ideas:

  1. Put your logo on a sandwich board, hang it on an adult male gorilla and walk the streets with it downtown at rush hour. Well, maybe a dog would be more practical.
  2. Take and post a video of yourself pretending to open letters from celebrities telling you about how head-over-heels they are for your products. Any real letters from celebrities are a plus.
  3. Dress up like an old-fashioned spy (think Carmen Sandiego) and go door to door in a high-income neighborhood. Give whoever answers the door a dollar and a branded envelope that says TOP SECRET. On the inside will be special instructions to discreetly meet you at your business at a certain date and time to receive an exclusive offer.
  4. Discreetly place stickers with your logo and phone number on them on all the produce at the supermarket. Maybe get the manager’s permission first … maybe not.
  5. Mail out “credit cards” for use at your business to your best customers with “no credit limit” and “no interest, ever” … and the card states the offer is good starting tomorrow. A new twist on a classic! Just make sure they get a coupon out of the gag.
  6. Hold a talent show among your staff on Facebook Live, let people vote and whoever votes for the winner gets a discount on their next purchase. Actual talent is not necessary, only a healthy sense of humor (and comment moderation).
  7. Write a series of blog posts about your travels to foreign places with obviously fake pictures in which you are surprised to find your logo displayed in surprising places all over the world. Or, you know, actually travel the world. That would be more fun.
  8. Convert a utility closet into a room in which literally every single item is branded and sell “tickets” (which are actually gift certificates) for people to tour the room. For bonus points, make it one of those escape rooms where they have to figure out riddles and whatnot to get out. (Consult a lawyer first.)
  9. Use sidewalk chalk pointing to your storefront to advertise your next sale, but really make ‘em think by putting a haiku under each arrow. “Dollar bills are fine / Our selection is finer / No one hates discounts”.
  10. Learn how to do card tricks. Or at least put your logo on a few decks of playing cards and hire somebody else to do the tricks. If you want to do it the lazy way.

Look, the point is, you haven’t tried everything. We’re here to help you think inside the box, outside the box (and maybe just not involve a box at all because the analogy is super old and nobody thinks about boxes when they think of marketing anymore unless they’re talking about boxes of business cards or something but that’s a completely different thing …)

Ahem.

What we mean is, look to the Farmhouse for big ideas from a small town.

(We even do normal stuff.)